


the drunkenness scale of michelle jones

by adashofhope



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, Pre-Relationship, inspired by amy santiago from b99, peter deals with a drunken mj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 02:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13021821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adashofhope/pseuds/adashofhope
Summary: peter and ned go to a party with mj for the first time. mj gets hammered. peter takes care of her. mj's carefully hidden feelings come out to play.





	the drunkenness scale of michelle jones

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by amy santiago from brooklyn nine nine. hope you guys enjoy!

Michelle Jones was unpredictable. Well, to most people.

Her mom and dad could read her like a book. They knew when she was lying, they knew everything about her, no matter how much she’d try to conceal it.

Her friends, on the other hand, were still learning about her. To Peter and Ned, they were still learning about Michelle and who she was as a person.

The one thing that always puzzled them though, was her attendance at parties.

Peter and Ned NEVER got invited to parties, but for some reason, MJ was always present. When they asked her why she went to parties, she’d always reply with a shrug and start reading whatever book she was carrying that day.

“But you’re an introvert right? Aren’t you supposed to hate parties?” Ned asks.

Michelle lowers her book with an overdramatic sigh and leans forward, “I go to parties for the free food and to educate the masses on politics.”

“But how do you get in?” Peter asks, puzzled.

“Drunk teens like me.” she shrugs, and goes back to her book. After a whole minute of her reading and the boys staring at her, she sighs, “I’ll take you to Flash’s party. You guys have the privilege of being my dates.”

“Gross,” Ned jokingly comments and MJ throws a French fry at him.

 

 

See, now Peter understood why MJ got invited to parties so often. He says this, as he carries her up to her bedroom in her huge, empty house while she drunkenly plays with his hair.

It all started with one drink.

 

 

_ One Drink Michelle _

She’s blunt.

Sure, Sober Michelle was generally blunt, but well, Peter guesses that she never really always said what was on her mind.

They’re at Flash’s party when some guy shoves a red solo cup into MJ’s hand while winking. Peter and Ned stare at her expectantly as she makes a face at the bright pink liquid in the cup, “I’m not drinking that shit.”

Ned holds out his hand, “I’ll drink it.”

Michelle chuckles, “Easy. I wouldn’t start off with that. C’mon, I know where Flash stashes his parents’ liquor.”

Both boys follow her, because this was Michelle Jones.

They raid the liquor cabinet and Michelle pours the alcohol into three different shot glasses. She grabs hers and Ned does the same. They both stare at Peter, who’s really considering drinking, but looks a little uncomfortable.

“Hey,” she bumps shoulders with Peter and gets his attention. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.”

Peter still doesn’t look convinced. “Hey, you’re Spider-Man, and you’re my designated driver. So, you shouldn’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

Peter grabs the shot glass, “One drink.”

“One drink,” they all chorus, before clinking glasses and downing them.

Peter coughs, “Why did I do that?”

Ned laughs and they both look over at Michelle who has her eyes shut adorably, “Wait for it.”

The aftertaste arrives and they all collectively groan at the burning sensation down their throat.

“So, what do you usually do at parties?” Peter asks, leaning forward.

“I eat Flash’s food; his mom’s a really good cook. Then, I uh, well, I don’t know. I usually get quite hammered.”

Peter frowns, “Who takes care of you?”

“Usually, I just get passed out over here. Flash doesn’t mind, gotta give him credit for that. He thinks my drunken self is hilarious.”

Ned points at a brunette across the room. “Hey, Peter! Isn’t that the cute girl from your Spanish class.”

In that moment, Michelle shifts her attention to the carpet, and all its intricate details.

“Yeah,” Peter chuckles, leaning back. “She’s cool.”

“Oh yeah? How cool?” Michelle pipes up, all of a sudden. She covers her mouth with her hand, and looks at Peter with wide eyes.

“Uh, she likes Star Wars. She’s really good at Spanish too.”

“Oh.” Michelle retreats, her heart deflating.

From behind her, Ned motions for Peter to stop talking.

Finally, Michelle looks up at him, “Go talk to her. She seems nice.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Michelle smiles.

A little shaken that MJ actually smiled at him, Peter brushes himself off and walks over to the girl from Spanish.

Ned looks at the saddened expression on MJ’s face and pours them both another drink. He offers her a glass that she accepts. They link their arms together and drink it down, both giggling at themselves.

 

 

_ Two Drink Michelle _

When Peter gets back after a failed attempt at talking to Stacy, the smart girl from his Spanish class, he’s met with both his friends sat in a circle with a bunch of other people.

“Uh, Ned, what’s going on?” Peter asks.

Betty Brant, who’s sat directly opposite Ned answers his question, “Seven minutes in Heaven.”

“Oh my God,” Peter sighs, facepalming.

“You might wanna take care of her,” Ned says, pointing at MJ, who’s currently explaining the definition of ableism to some random dude next to her at a higher volume than necessary.

So, Two Drink Michelle was loud.

Peter squeezes between Ned and MJ quietly.

“Oh, hey, Peter!” she yells, making him wince.

“Hey, uh, MJ. You’re up for this game?”

She shrugs, “Yeah! Why not?”

Flash glares at Peter, “Could you ask your girlfriend to shut up?”

Michelle reaches behind her and throws an empty solo cup at Flash, hitting his forehead. Peter stifles a giggle.

The game starts and Peter manages to avoid getting thrown in a closet with some random classmate.

Then, it’s Betty’s turn to spin the bottle and it lands on Ned. Peter moves closer to MJ, almost nearly sticking to her side. They both stare at Ned expectantly.

Ned gets up, reaching for Betty as the rest of the players cheer. Peter joins along, laughing at the bright red blush on their cheeks.

Unfortunately, MJ decides to do the same.

“WOO! GET SOME!” she yells, after their retreating figures. She turns back to the group, “YO, THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS AND THEY’RE CRUSHING ON EACH OTHER! HELL Y-“

Flash glares at Peter, while simultaneously covering his ears.

“Alright, let’s go.” Peter says, pulling her up with him.

“Aw, we’re not playing anymore?!” she asks, even though she’s following him diligently.

“You need to stop being so loud,” Peter replies.

They stop at the makeshift bar and Peter does the stupid teenage thing and fuels his curiosity. He pours her a shot and hands it to her, “I hope Three Drink Michelle is quiet.”

Michelle laughs, “I don’t know, man.”

Peter smiles. She has a pretty laugh. Wait, what?!

 

 

_ Three Drink Michelle _

She downs the drink and thank god, she’s back to her normal volume.

MJ cringes, “God, I hate the music here.”

Oh my God, was she back to normal? How did that even work?

They talked for a while and Peter was semi-convinced that he had just sobered her up by feeding her more alcohol.

He excused himself to go to the washroom real quick and when he returned…oh boy.

As soon as he heard the faint sound of Who Run the World by Beyonce while he was washing his hands, he should’ve seen this coming.

Michelle was dancing along on the countertop, as the rest of the teens who were as drunk as she was cheered her on.

“Holy shit.”

Suddenly, a very flustered Ned appeared before him, “What is going on?”

“I may have given MJ even more alcohol in an attempt to somehow get her back to her sobered state.”

Ned glared at him, “Why did you think that would work?”

“It seemed to be working, but turns out, Three Drink Michelle loves dancing.”

“Dude,” Ned gaped at him, his expression a cross between disappointment and amazement.

“Hey, MJ! You gotta get down from there, alright?” Peter called out softly.

Ned scoffed and proceeded to mock him, “Hey, sugarplum! Please get down here, babe?”

“I didn’t say that and I don’t sound like that.”

“Well, you might as well have,” Ned pointed at MJ who was still dancing and moving along with the crowd.

“MJ!” Peter yelled out, getting her attention. “Get down from there!”

“GIRLS!” she yelled back, along with the crowd. “C’mon, Peter!” she stretches her hand out for him to join.

Peter backs away, “No!”

“Alright, I’m going crowd-surfing.”

The best friends exchange a horrified look and Ned tries to talk her out of it. (“MJ! YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK SOMETHING!”)

Peter steels himself and successfully catches her in his arms, “Aw man, what happened?”

Peter glares at Ned who’s pouring himself a cup of the pink drink, “I got you, MJ.”

Michelle breaks out into a huge grin.

She’s still shaking slightly to the beat in his arms and Peter holds back a chuckle.

MJ grabs someone else’s solo cup and downs it before Peter has the time to realise what she’s doing. Ned’s already disappeared into the crowd.

“Four Drink Michelle, I hope you’re good to me.”

 

 

_ Four Drink Michelle _

And oh boy, she really is good to him.

She’s also very persuasive because somehow, Peter finds himself downing two shots as Michelle watches him with a smirk.

She’s smirking a lot, at all the couples making out around her. It’s slightly uncomfortable but amusing to watch.

By his third drink, Peter’s only a little tipsy. Thank God for his fast metabolism.

It’s all blurry to him but then, Michelle’s holding his hand and she’s smiling at him and his heart is beating a mile a minute.

Her hair’s free from her messy ponytail and it’s loose and curly and free and…and she’s pulling him to the dance floor. Well, the makeshift dance floor that really is Flash’s mega-huge living room.

It’s innocent at first, and he’s just twirling her around and she’s making remarks at the grinding couples. Peter laughs at first, because the looks on their faces after she made some slightly perverted comment was priceless.

So, Four Drink Michelle was a little bit of a pervert.

Someone hands Peter a drink and he drinks from the cup on instinct. He pulls away and makes a face when he realises that the only drink he’s ever going to find is alcohol. But then, the mood has shifted and Michelle isn’t dancing like a dork anymore. She’s singing along to the lyrics and she’s looking at him and he’s still holding onto her hand but, everything gets a bit blurry and she’s grinding against him.

She places her hand on the back of his neck and guides him along to the beat, and Peter’s feeling too many things at once. It’s all happens so fast and she’s holding his hand and she places them on her waist and it feels _so good._

Then he elicits a soft moan from her and it’s so hot but then he remembers, this was MJ! This was Michelle Jones! She’s grinding on him! They’re both drunk!

A warning sign flashes in his head and slowly, gently, he grabs her hand that’s in his hair and twirls her around so that she’s facing him, “Let’s get a drink, yeah?”

Peter swears he sees her gulp but then she’s singing along to ‘Allstar’ by Smashmouth. What even was this playlist? She lets him guide her to the makeshift bar where Betty and Ned are at.

“Hey, could you guys watch her while I go get so-“

Betty and Ned are already nodding and looking at her curiously, so he runs to the kitchen.

 

 

_ Five Drink Michelle _

Of course, because the Universe has it out for him, Michelle has already stolen another drink.

“I told you guys to watch her!” Peter says, slightly frustrated.

Betty and Ned pull away and Peter cringes, “Gross.”

When Michelle sees him, she grins really big and throws her arms around him. “I missed you!” she says, her voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt.

Ned gives him a look and Peter frowns at his insinuations, “This probably has something to do with the fact that this is her 5th drink.”

“So, Five Drink Michelle is loving?” Ned asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“…Maybe?”

They all watch her for a minute. She’s yelling at some poor girl from her English Lit class and complimenting her dyed hair. She stares at Betty, “You’re really pretty and you’re so nice. I’m so glad that Ned found someone like you although I’m probably going to pretend to gag a lot in school. I think it’s really cute. Ned’s such a nice guy and I only want the best for him.”

Ned looks at Peter, “We did something right!”

Betty’s blushing and she’s thanking Michelle who responds with, “Ah, no problem.”

Ned leans forward, “How do you really feel about Flash?”

“I think that maybe he’s a little misguided, but I know he’s got a good heart. He punched his friend that was talking shit about me once. He’s like my older brother and I’ve got a special place in my heart for him.”

“What about Peter?” Betty asks.

“What _about_ Peter?” Peter asks, glaring at Betty and Ned.

Michelle looks at him and then smiles and it’s the sweetest thing Peter has ever seen, “He’s…he’s great.”

“Just great?” Ned pushes, smirking at Peter.

“You’re a good guy, and you’re my best friend,” she sighs.

She’s holding back. Peter knows she’s holding back.

Michelle’s met with Peter’s piercing gaze and all of a sudden she feels sober. She’s hit with all the feelings she’s tried to lock away. She looks away, “I’m beat. I’ll get myself a cab. Goodnight.”

Ned frowns and exchanges a look with Betty. As Michelle’s walking away, Ned nudges Peter and asks him to go after her.

“MJ! I’ll come with you!”

Michelle stops and stares at him, thinking of a way to turn him down but her head’s hurting so she nods and gets in the car, next to Peter.

Peter tries to keep her awake with conversation but at some point, she winces and grabs onto her head, “My head hurts.”

Peter tosses a bottle of water at her and she takes little sips. They pull up in front of her huge house and he asks her if her parents are home.

“They’re out on a business trip.”

Peter laces his fingers with hers and guides her through the front door. She’s pulling away from him slightly and she’s trying to walk on her own but she keeps stumbling on thin air and Peter grunts, picking her up.

She protests at first, “I can walk.”

“No, you can’t.”

MJ gets distracted by the curls on the back of his head and she keeps quiet, silencing him too.

He enters her room and places her on her bed gently. Handing her the water bottle to sip on, he tucks her in and watches as she closes her eyes, already nodding off.

Peter speaks, barely above a whisper, “For what it’s worth, you’re great too. You’re my best friend too and you’re the coolest person I’ve ever met.”

Michelle laughs and shoves him lightly, “You’re a dweeb.”

“Well, _you_ think this dweeb is great.”

“I’m kicking you out of my room.”

Peter kisses her forehead and turns to leave. As an afterthought he says, “Call me when you’re grumpy and Sober Michelle again.”

“I will.”

They smile at each other and he hears her soft snores as soon as he closes the door.

**Author's Note:**

> send me spideychelle stuff on tumblr @/softboyholland


End file.
